Forgiveness and Acceptance

My work with adults has uncovered an interesting phenomenon. People are often hung-up in their lives by their unwillingness, or inability to accept certain situations in their lives and to learn to forgive.

Often, I am confronted by a client on this topic as they state, "Why should I forgive for him/her for what they did to me. I did nothing wrong." You are right! You did nothing wrong, and you were victimized! But my question is; how are you managing as you carry the negative emotions from those situations around with you in your everyday life?

Julie has written a chapter in her Anger Solutions book which addresses this concern. She states, ' Many of us don't want to forgive others because we think that forgiveness somehow means we condone what was done to us. People think that those who forgive are weak and that forgiveness is a sign of giving in.' She goes on to add that we deprive ourselves of emotional freedom when we are unable to forgive and let go of the past.

On a personal note, I can attest to this. Many people hurt us and have done terrible things to us. The amount of energy it takes to continue to despise someone is incredible and this takes away from our ability to develop positive self energy. But forgiveness is not just about others. It is about us. How many times have we done things which we know were hurtful and unfair? Some people continue to deny their role in the situation and will scapegoat others by manipulating the situation or twisting the facts to make themselves seem less responsible. We have no control over these people. We only have control over ourselves and our behaviours.

Emotional Brass Ring focuses on how to learn to forgive ourselves as well as forgive others. How to accept your faults, learn from your mistakes and use this knowledge in a proactive way. How to use your past experiences to develop a more satisfied you, which in turn will enhance the lives of others through the normal 'ripple effect'. Emotional Brass Ring is about shedding ourselves of the unnecessary weight of negative past experiences and strengthening ourselves by positive, healthy decision making and boundary setting.

We do not forgive for the reason of allowing others feel better. We need to do it for ourselves. Just another tool to utilize as you practice your personal self care and develop the 'you' which until now, you may have thought was just an unattainable 'brass ring'.